he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
