I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
