You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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