a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
