She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
