before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
