your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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