belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
