Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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