To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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