I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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