Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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