Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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