I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
