Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm having to shit out rocks
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