Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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