Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
