Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
