yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
