Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
