I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
