OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
