u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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