we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
