Sacagawea was the original milf.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
