I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
