Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
