half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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