I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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