just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
