NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
