Tell her she can't have a vagina
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
