PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
