But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
