so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
