the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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