At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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