Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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