I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
