I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
