haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He shit in the fireplace
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
