she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
