I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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