He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Randomize
