she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
