I got chris browned last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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