Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
