Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
