Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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