he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
