It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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