my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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